You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
