I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
