It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
