we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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