arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.