You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early