No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
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Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
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It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!