just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
