Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.