Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
