in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.