yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize