why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize