i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
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...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
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I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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