just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
