So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
