Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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