phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
