is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Enjoy the penises
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
