It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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