New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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