Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
