You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
