it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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