There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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