It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
