Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
