first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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