we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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