Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm both gender and math confused
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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