Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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