We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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