Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
