oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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