Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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