I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
