The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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