who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
