He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I came so hard my ears popped.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
