saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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