This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
