i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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