Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
