I love black thongs
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
