i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
