It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
