a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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