Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
