You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
