Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
