just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
