Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
