Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have so many feelings about this burrito
you never un-have a 4some
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
