A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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