did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
