I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
