Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
