Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
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