we're chasing vodka with high fives
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
