Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize