I heard we made out
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
