I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
