Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize