Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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