Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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