Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
