he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize