I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
