My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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