I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i drank out of a bidet.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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