I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
